The beginning

A lot of people think that losing weight for free is impossible and if you have health problems due to or causing your obesity then yes it may require a specialized diet plan or medication to control. For those of us that have over eating disorder, eat because of low self esteem or a compulsive disorders of some kind its not as cut and dry as medication or a visit to the dietitian in fact these people tend to be very knowledgeable when it comes to their bodies and the science of eating and exercising to lose weight because its apart of the cycle.

I suffer from stress induced OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) which was a recent light bulb that went off when I visit my doctor, we talked for a while about why I just cant seem to stick to an eating plan dispit the fact that i know so much about body science when it comes to losing weight and we found that my brain wasn’t linking the logical ‘your over weight you need to lose weight’ with the emotional and somewhere my rational was getting mixed up. For those of you out there who are looking for excuses as to why you are big it wasn’t just the compulsive eating that had my docter come to this conclusion. Let me tell you a bit about my history.

When I was 4 my mum and I left my dad he was an alcoholic and my parents lost everything in the crash of 87’ it was just after that that I first began to binge eat I had a horrible kindergarten and school experience which lead me to feel very bad about myself and my mother got engaged very soon after she slipup from my dad, that’s when I developed the compulsion to wash my hands and dreams of related anxiety.

There was very little calm in my life until my mother was diagnosed with MS and that was a big struggle to help me cope my mother sent me to stay with friends on a farm they are some of my most treasured memories. As it turns out my mother had an allergic reaction to chemicals which was eventually fixed by a homeopath with a series of injections it was this faith in herbal medicine that lead me and my mother to a homeopath for me and my weight at age 10 she put me on a diet that cause me to gain weight.

So in short I trust no one or nothing I have terrible intimacy problems and give up on pretty much everything I try either because I have an anxiety about it or someone pissed me off and I cut of my nose to spit my face, but mostly because I don’t trust the process of anything I feel like I was born into a war and I have been fighting ever since I even fight those who are on my side because I don’t trust that anyone’s on my side.

I spent most of my childhood at home, in my room watching TV. I didn’t even eat with my family and when I did my meals where always so different that I felt excluded.

All of the dieting from a child made me feel hard done by like I was missing out because I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough or worthy to experience the world.

For the longest time in my life I had felt like a failer because I could never seem to stop my binge eating, I have been on diets since I was 7 years old I have done everything from the dietitian at 7 to weight watchers at 9 to my mother calorie counting my meals at 12 to Jenny Craig at 15 as a teenager my mother took me to the doctor in the hopes I could go on xenical but I was not big enough.

There is so much more that happened between now and then but I will leave that for another day I just want you to have an understanding that this isn’t something I woke up with one morning nor is it an excuse it is a cause that I can now respond too.

The treatment for what I have is very simple; In its extreme a 6 week course of an anti anxiety medication and lots of cognitive behavioral therapy with a psychologist, But generally people see awesome results just from the therapy.

Ok so this is not free at all by any stretch of the imagination, we are in the middle income bracket and we cannot afford it so until I save up or we earn more I will continue to learn by myself and try and make each choice as it comes. The most important thing is support from your friends and family, but I understand that some people don’t even have that luxury, so let us support each other;

Today’s homework;

Make an appointment to see your doctor and talk about the fact that you want to lose weight and together come up with an individual plan just for you. I would love to hear about it so let me know.